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by Sandy
Pendleton, MFT
Do you ever feel like it's not OK to
say "No?"
Women in our modern society have been recruited
into feeling they need to be all things, to all people, all
the time to demonstrate their caring. Today, most women work.
It doesn't matter whether they are paid or unpaid, work inside
or outside of the home, for financial need or personal satisfaction,
their lives are crammed full of chores, duties and responsibilities.
Yet, many women still try to live up to unrealistically high
expectations. These expectations often tell them they must
take care of the house, pay the bills, cook the meals, tend
children and still be a sex goddess at the drop of a hat.
Is it any wonder that more and more women are being lost to
the ravages of depression as they try to live up to this "Wonder
Woman" ideal?
Take A Closer Look
Perhaps, its time to take a closer look at these expectations and their sustainability, in our daily lives. If every time we get close to our goal the bar is raised and new "to do's" added to our already burgeoning list, how can we ever feel like we've done enough? Is it any wonder that we don't even feel like trying anymore or just want to give up altogether?
We are bombarded on a daily basis with ideas of who we are to be as women. We are told in a million ways how to act, what to say and how to look: by our upbringing, our families, our partners and the cultural loudspeakers of our times such as TV, talk radio, self-help books, magazines and movies. Are the expectations of who you are to be in the bedroom equally as dictated? An intimate conversation topic for quiet moments alone could be to explore your personal preferences in relation to the sexual politics of your respective families and cultural histories.
Renegotiating The Deal
The subtle, yet constant influence of these pressures can trick us into believing that we must always be more than we are. You don't have to accept these ideals. Change the game to one you want to play. Just because it's always been one way, doesn't mean it's the only way or the best way.
You may want to consider re-negotiating the roles and rules in your household with your partner. If you are feeling up to it, try negotiating in the nude, it can even out the playing field a bit and allows you both to be equally vulnerable. Let's face it, how many roles or rules actually depend on our physical anatomy? By stripping things down to the bare essentials you may gain a whole new perspective.
As you take a closer look at the roles and rules, consider their source - family, history, culture, media, social circles. When your ideas and your partner's ideas differ, it's time to re-examine their value in your current life. You may decide that some ideas, while effective in times gone by, have outlived their usefulness in your modern lifestyle and its time for a change.
After you and your mate come to an agreement, you might want to re-negotiate with your kids as well. The goal is to find something that works for everyone, including you. If you are left holding the bag and it becomes one more thing for you to do, seek some outside help for the whole family.
A Good Deal
A good deal is not just good for one party, all parties must benefit in meaningful ways. It doesn't mean that everyone gets the same conditions, it means that the conditions are fair and balanced. We don't always get what we want in life but good partnerships allow for giving and receiving. Talk with your partner to find ways that honor what is important to each of you.
Feelings of not being "Enough" may be an indication that your wellbeing has been left out of the formula for a "successful life." Trying to live up to impossible ideals, taking on more and more and never stopping to rest can be a signal for change in your life.
A Sign Of Strength
Contrary to some of our cultural myths, it is really a sign of strength when we say, "I need help." If you can't do it on your own consider the services of a Marriage & Family Therapists who can help relieve the burden of you having to do it all by yourself.
Check Back With Us Soon to Read the Following Articles:
Exploring Untapped Potential: Discover the
positive intent of discomfort in your life, finding the opportunity in your
burdens and being grateful for the little things.
If You Knew You Could Not Fail: What's missing?
Investing in your future, directing your own sexy movie and casting your
leading partner. |
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