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by Sandy
Pendleton, MFT
What used to be called the "blues" has
become a chronic problem in our go-go-go, do-do-do society
these days. We've forgotten how to just BE. We are constantly
trying to do more, bigger and better than our counterparts
to the point of exhaustion and collapse. In a day and age
where pills are offered for everything, we pop our pills and
keep on going. Not that some medications can't be helpful,
but if they mask the underlying aches of our desires then
what is the cost to our minds, bodies and spirits? Let's talk
for a moment about the effects on your sexuality.
How Long Has It Been?
Reflect back on the last few months or maybe even the last
couple of years.
When was the last time you or you and your lover actually
stopped to smell the sweet fragrance of a rose?
Paused to bask in the soft pinks, deep magentas and
radiant purples of a fall sunset?
Lingered in a luxuriously abundant bubble bath surrounded
by candlelight?
Lounged quietly, doing nothing but sipping wine or
cider by the fire and letting soft music caress your soul?
When was the last time you were able to fully recharge
your battery–your life energy battery that is?
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Too long you say? Then it's time to look at what is draining
you and holding you back.
Time Pressures
Overwhelm is an all-to-common problem these days. When you
have a boss, coworkers, a lover, kids, extended family, neighbors,
friends and any number of other associates all vying for your
attention for almost every waking hour of your day, is it
any wonder that you have no time for these wonderful romantic
moments?
Running on empty for too long can be the culprit for lack
of desire for any activity, including sex. Who can feel sexy,
let alone be excited about making love when you are totally
exhausted and can barely take your make-up off before you
drag yourself to bed at night?
Lack of time to truly devote to the act of lovemaking can
also take its toll. Quickies are fine on occasion, but who
wants their sex life squeezed in between carpools, long days
and the endless "have to's" of our daily lives? Eventually
all the demands on our time can take us down the road to feeling
as if we are "Not enough." Without reprieve, it can lead to
Depression.
Set aside some time to look at the big picture view of your
life. Sometimes it can be helpful to look at your schedule
for a month at a time. Are there any white space days, when
nothing is scheduled? Are all your days filled with routines
or do they fill up on a daily basis with crisis firefighting?
Consider assigning priorities to your activities: A - Must
do's, B - Would really like to do, C - Something that you
can pass on to someone else or let slide in the name of self-care.
Where is self-care in your to do list? At the bottom? Or did
it not even make it onto the list? Just like a car, your mind,
body & spirit need fuel to keep on running. Try creating fortune
cookie size slips of paper and put one self-care or nurturing
activity on each one. Toss them into a fish bowl and commit
to pull one out on a regular basis; maybe once a week or after
a particularly stressful day. It could be as simple as reading
a magazine or taking a bubble bath or as exotic as planning
a romantic get away with your sweetie.
Take A Day Off
Have you ever considered taking a mental health day from work?
If you could take one day off for preventative measures instead
of losing a week to a fever and chills wouldn't that be better
for everyone? What if you took time off to just to rest, relax
and rejuvenate? If there is still interest but just no time
what would it be like for you and your partner to take the
day off and stay in bed all day together? Even if you just
slept in or talked, imagine what that could do for both of
you!
Check Back With Us Soon to Read the
Following Articles:
An Ideal
Is No Deal: What kind of deal is being all things-to
all people-all the time? Exposing the Wonder Woman
myth and renegotiating expectations—in the
nude.
Exploring Untapped Potential:
Discover the positive intent of discomfort in your life,
finding the opportunity in your burdens and being grateful
for the little things.
If You Knew You Could Not Fail:
What's missing? Investing in your future, directing
your own sexy movie and casting your leading partner. |
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